I have Awesome work and awesome team

I have so awesome work place that I'm amazed about that. Everyone is like friends to each other and everyone standing up each other.

Same thing is in my team. I have one colleague which is teacher like me and she'sjust great personality. She's kind, friendly and she respect other people and myprofession. And we have awesome nanny. She keeps the bounderies to the children'sand likes to be whit them.

And above the all, we have awesome humor in my team.

It's so obvious that I have changed my work place. Last place was work from hell.

I don't say that my work is like walking on roses. The spirit is awesome but the work with isn't always that. Now I has to decide what I do. I have one child+the family where the father is very abusive against his son. If things don't change, I has to make difficult decision: Do I call the the child services or not.

Other boy is abandonment of a child. There is another difficult decision.

I can't understand why they don't take care of their offspring? How they can abuse their children?

These children's are great personality's. One needs bounderies and other needs caring. We give them what they need but we can't do everything. Parents has to do something.

A) I can't do my training without helping hand

Today I saw it. Now I has to be honest to myself, I can't train without helping "hand".

90 % I can do without assistant but when I need to train my balance muscle, I need 1 person to tell me when I'm not standing straight and when I'm leaning too much on one side.

I can't see when I'm leaning too far to left or right. Not even when I use a mirror.

It's like coaching without yelling =)

And it really would be easier to train when there is someone else who gather the looks. I could train my balance and all the scary nerds would stay away from me. Without hard training, there is no singing. When we sing, the voice uses entire body. (It's pure science now days)

Singing is part of me like my legs. I can't chop off legs. And in here nobody need to mortgage anything. [our CD's are payd by Visio Kustannus because it's gosbel] Like I would let anyone to do that. I'm not a parasite, using people for my own purposes.

B) My training schedule

These times are mine.

Tuesday 27.11 15.00

Wednesday 12.12 15.00

I really like to go to the gym on Saturday but that's just stupid. Going without bodyguard. That I learned, one time was too informative.

on Saturday's there isn't so much those "do I have tight outfit enough" - women and those "look my muscles, look how much I can lift, do you want to see, no? -you mean yes" -men/nerds/geeks etc. They go in the morning.

C) My awesome new work, awesome new team and other things

And chicken's would be silent, once. CHICKEN'S a.k.a KANAT = giggle adult women

Why these days adults laugh other people? Especially other women. When they are going to stop behaving like chicken's [like "kanat" = "there is a man, hih hih" That's odd behaving] ?

I don't say that I mind, I refuse to cry when they laugh at me (we all are adults and we don't know each other) when I try to practice my balance. It's possible that the cuckoo left from their cuckoo clock.

99 % of those women goes together with another woman. They can't go by themselves. They need another tobogganist to go there. (a.k.a. to show new clothing)

With my new work I have learn, that 99 % of bad behavior is because low self-esteem. I has to say that I am so happy about my new work place. I have awesome team, awesome colleagues, awesome boss.

Can you imagine, when I went back to my work, they where so happy about that, that they hug me. I thought that they all have been smoking something, no not really I didn't. Maybe they all ate same mushrooms. Just kidding.

Finally my humor is back, I just change work place. From Meilahti to Herttoniemi (kindergarten Siilitie) and everything changed like magic. Children are more challenging but everything else is magnificent.

MY STALKER IS BACK - now I has to move

After 5 quiet years my stalker is back.

I have change my hair color, my face is almost ready. (that was because of other reason), I have change a work place, I even studied new profession for me. And now he's back.

So I left an application today for bigger apartment. That's (I hope) from other building. (Now he lives the building which is opposite of my building, so he sees trough my windows what I do, what I eat, when I leave, etc.

By Finnish law no one can't do anything. As long he don't attack against me physically, there is nothing that any one can do.

Following me around (almost every where) isn't a crime.

Last time when I called police, when this sick man came behind my apartment door, the police told me that some one is taking care of his physical health.

Next thing is, I need to change my last name and buy a big dog.

Luckily I teach children's hows parents are police officers. He can't follow me to my preschool. (my work)

He can follow me to the gym where I go, to the University, you name it.

If I would be bigger, or single, he wouldn't follow me around.

Same rules to everyone- kiss my a...

Yeah, right!

Some of us want to participate to lectures and lessons. (Those are involuntary to all of us.) After that we has to do the exam and then we pass.

But now there's few who didn't participate to the lessons and who didn't be at the lectures and they do the exam and THEY PASS. JUSTICE, my ass.

And that exam is piece of joke, crap, shit. 150 pages from the book is in the exam.

I refuse to take that exam. I do the exam one month later. The hole book, not just the 150 pages.

They don't understand that this is university of Helsinki, not the university of lazy town. You need to do something to get great numbers.

Long time, no "see" =)

I have been so busy lately so I haven't had time to write here.

My M.A. studies are so close to the end. I need to finish one essay (15 pages). Plus I have to do 2 research and finish them. One of of those is so ready that I just write that report and give it to my teacher.

Other one is in process.

Then I create one teaching method in to my work, in our preschool and then it's done. So easy.

Then I has to start to test my theory which I created and do the report from that. And that will be my Ph.D. work. So I'll be under 40 when I'll get my Ph.D.

It's Long time from my last post

I have new job, I might told that before.

I have more work than last year. Now I really can do my work in pedagogy. Plus now I'm teacher to students of kindergarten teachers. So I work to University of Helsinki (Faculty of behavioral science) and I work to kindergarten.

And I'm the elected official too at my work place (kindergarten). It's about union duty. And I'm a person in charge about preschool.

Although I have lot of work to do, I love it.

My free time is studying, researching, the gym (of course) etc. And still my hours per day is enough. Still I have time to meet my friends and have fun.

jehovah's witnesses THE PLAGUE OF FINLAND

Just when you thought that they don't come anymore. You'll find out that NOO, they are back.

They are like plague, finally you think that it's won, and it's gone, you'll find out that something left alive. And it's spreading like a fire in dried up hay.

How the _ (f-word) I tell them to hit by track!

Next time...there will be no next time. Because now I had had it. First thing I'll do is get spyhole in my door and if they don't get out of my door, I'll tell them what comes to my mind.

They are the plague in here.

Hard decision's

I still can't decide what to do. Do I ask him or not? I know this much that if I ask his help, I'll send it to his office.

I try to think what will happen if I do that.

But the reality drives me in to ask his help.

What if he realize why I go in hospital? What if he has already figer that out?
What if he feels sick after he has count 2 plus 2?

He is a smart man. He'll get soon, especially then when he sees my face change.

What a dilemma!!

I have so awesome work place!!

I'm so happy about my work place. It's so much different in better way than the previous work place.
Everything works fine, we have great relationship between every team member in the team I work with and with other teams.

My few little things at the University [2 researches] don't mind them, my treatment at the hospital is normal to them etc. I respect them as a person and as a professional pedagogy's and vise versa. I am to them a professional teacher and professional field teacher from and to University.

It's great that I didn't turn up an asshole. All thanks to that man I love. Now I have awesome work place and lovely team members, other pedagogy's and nanny's. He didn't let the blocks fall of the "box". All the blocks are in order :D

Sorry about the misspelling. I have to write without my left forefinger because I cooked other day and I cut my finger. The blade of the knife went trough the skin, straight to the muscle. Few years ago I cooked and I burned my forehead. I kitchen towel set on fire from the electric stove. :D :D

ME IN KITCHEN

Long long time I had energy to cook.
Because I have lovely work place, they respect me and now I can do my work.

And after 30 days, I'll be a teacher to the students, who are studying in the University of Helsinki.

They are studying in the same education that I have. A kindergarten teacher/the bachelor degree of early childhood education

You can see from then picture what happened, when I started to cook. (It's not from my kitchen) :D :D

I had blood all over my kitchen, on the doors, on the floor, on the dishes, even on my frying pan.

:D

The food was great. Luckily my sister is a nurse, so I had few very good tips, how the bleeding stops.

Maybe I should take extra insurance? :D

Does you life feel boring? Don't worry, do the Russian style. Color it! 2 part

Now I can tell lovely ghost stories about my summer holiday in the Russian way.

It goes like this:

How my summer went? "Well, let me tell you. I went to cruise and I met very odd people." Then I'll add few pictures from the "Ghost Ship". Then I can keep going by adding always some pictures from different movies and tell to people that those pictures are actually from my summer holiday -album!

And wau! My summer vocation was so much neater than the others. Do copy this idea, it's not mine, it's the Russians idea.

If you don't go actually where you said you might go, just add some adaptable pictures from different movies and there you go, you had the most interesting vocation or excursion :D :D :D :D

Does you life feel boring? Don't worry, do the Russian style. Color it!

After this "little" incident I really has to think hard what to believe, when it's Russia who tells the story. Because it really can be a story!

The story is in all cases from Hollywood. Like this Russians expedition the the North Pole! What a laugh!! Did it really happen? If so, why the picture is from James Cameron's Titanic. And that found out the Finnish reader, who's hobby's are movies.

That was so bad that we Finns saw the movie!

It's so Russian's way the lie about everything and take lot different things which isn't their's. That proved "Pekka Peitsi" in 1944. The book is "Tässä sitä nyt ollaan" and I have read it. Even he said that the Russia steel what isn't theirs to keep.

Did they really thought that they don't get caught on a lie. And it's not Reuters fault, the Russia send the picture to the Reuters.

I can hear the hole world is laughing at the moment.!!

But hey, there is one good thing the Russia has finally found Titanic.

Back to Ice Stadium

I promise to my friend Katri that I'll help her with this "Urban Dream". So I'm selling the Naxok's CD's. (The name might be wrong, the point isn't)

So I have to Aleksandria to print same excell chart's. Just in case. That company has told that we might has to do same kind of inventory about the CD's I didn't sell and the CD's I did.

Helping hand would be so nice. This thing will be Sunday 12.8 about at noon. If I ahs to do that by myself, that will take forever.

And I'm not going to put my high heel's, not now when I found out that I has to carry very much money with me. Now I would really need the bodyguard with me. I can't run with the high heel's! So I has to look crappy, safety first.

More weird neighbor's

Now it's proved. I have weird neighbor's! Who wouldn't have?

Few weeks ago some dude wave. I don't know to who but when I looked, he waved again. That is the best way get yourself in deep trouble. I do not wave to a person who I can't see well! I didn't see his face. He could be anyone! even a weirdo!

Now I was sitting next to my computer and people are staring straight trough my window. I can't live behind curtains, that's just sick.

What if I would live with a bigger man than I'm, no one would wave at me, no one wouldn't stare at me. They would buy (finally) TV, DVD-player, get a life or/and try to find a life their own.

In here that's not just normal. (Actually, where it is?)

Americans in Finland - volume 2 SHIT HAPPENS, RIGHT?

I have met lot of people. More than most of people in my age.

This far I have met only 3 nice, lovely, well mannered person who are originally from U.S.A and who lives here (2 of them has lived here over 12 years and third one about 9. So THEY KNOW). Rest of them behave like ignorant American can. Think the worst kind of American and multiple that twice and add there the fact that they live here.

Didn't U.S.A wanted them there? So they send them here? Living among us!

They dislike everything, they underestimate us about in everything. To them we are: - Stupid and ignorant - we don't understand anything about our minister's or legal system - we don't know how our system works, so they tell's that to us. OH Thank you. I feel more educated now! - according to them we are so stupid that everything has to teach to us, everything about our country. - We don't cope in other country's - We can't get married with immigrants because some day we might go to our spouse's country and we don't survive there. That is state of mind. Where we put our mind into, we succeed.

And when we stand up for ourselves with words (which seems to me is too hard to most of them) they call us with faul language. And they use bad language. They believe that they can blame us and we don't stand up.

Now I understand why certain people don't want to be named by their country. Why they want to be a Finn than American. I don't blame them at all. Good for them! They are more welcome here that we are welcomed to U.S.A.

I think there should be a jury, where these 3 good people can decide who can stay here and who can't, when people comes here from U.S.A (2 of them has lived here over 12 years and third one about 9. So THEY KNOW) That is full day job! In that way in here would move so much crap from U.S.A.

One of those three I worked for about 2 years. (1998-2000) They all had already fit in this society and they are Finns (at least to me).

This isn't about those 3 people, they are beyond those kind of crap. I stand up for them as well as I stand up any other Finn. One I love more than anyone, one is my good friend and my former boss and one is my mother's family friend.

This is only about those bad behaving American's who lives in here. There are many very nice, lovely people, who I know from U.S.A and they live there. They has nothing to do with this.

Mo Ghràdh

Thank you that you are not like the other's.

You don't know how rare personality you have. How lovely you really are? No matter what the other people would say!

Tha gaol agam ort, more and more, if that's possible.

You are the only people who stands up for us. (You as well)

If I could vote in next American election...

If I could vote in next American election, I vote for Hillary Clinton!!

She is the best.

We have woman president, why they can't have one? First 3 years she has to clean up the mess, what the previous president left and then she raise the country back where it was 10 years ago.

So, my dear readers, after you have find out what issues they represent and still you think who is the BEST. Vote for Hillary Clinton!

American wedding vs. Finnish wedding

American wedding:

-Man has to ask "permission" to the marriage from the brides father.
- Huge an engagement party
- Rehearsal dinner
- Rehearsal/practice wedding
- Marriage vow
- the wedding takes few days to over a week (rehearsal this and rehearsal that, ceremony plus the wedding feast.)
- The bride and groom has to dance the waltz

Finnish wedding:

- The couple announce to their family's that their are getting married. The man don't ask permission to that from anyone.
- Small an engagement party
- NO Rehearsal dinner
-NO Rehearsal/practice wedding
- NO Marriage vow
- Small wedding
- The actual wedding takes few hours (ceremony plus the wedding feast)
- the best part to all of us who has two left legs, the waltz isn't necessity.

We get married once, we don't practice that. so if something goes wrong, it will go wrong even if you had practice that before. It's more like adventurous in that way. No, honestly you don't get so much stressed out, when you know that you don't need to practice this. Besides the marriage with the person you love is the main point, not the wedding. You can get married in barn if you like, if the person is the right person.

In Finnish wedding the bride and groom says only 2 words: "I do" Everything else comes from the priest. You can't say anything else when the priest asks:"Do you...take...?" You can't say something like:
"jep"
"oukki doukki"
"Why not?"
"If you say so"
"You wouldn't ask that if you would seen her in..."
"Do I? Let me think..."
"This isn't the line where I can sign in to the...?"
"Me...her...(little bit laugh)...yeah, right"

Just simple two words and that's it.

I know that many of you (my readers) think that we are not serious when we get married. We are. We want to keep it simple. Because the marriage is the point, not how much you can put money in the wedding. It's not that stressing when you can keep things simple.

Americans in Finland

There is two kind of Americans in Finland:

A) Those who loves to live here even this country is very cold in the winters. So Cold that the milk gets frozen if you put that between you window =)
Those people don't complain unless there is something to complain. When they have a reason to complain. The get work (which is match to their schooling/education), in their work they don't tell other's that they would hate us (Finn's), that they would hate everything what Finland stand for. NO.

They blend in. They choose to live among us, most of them has become one of us. They are Finn's with their behavior, their status is a Finn. (with different nationality or with two citizen ship's) Some of them marry a Finn and stay here. Some (unfortunately) goes back some day, that's sad. These kind of people has great sense of humor. Some of them help us. Not as a American, as a person. Some of them stops us turning to assholes.

BUT THE OTHER GROUP IS A DIFFERENT KETTLE OF FISH:

Group B)
They come here, who knows why. And then they start that...how can I say...the Bullshit. They complain about everything. And I mean everything. (I HAVEN'T MET THIS PERSON)

He's doing that in public. He keeps his blog, where everyone can read what he has against this country. And he's married with a Finn. And he has academic education (a dentist) He is one of those what every parent has warned about. He is those Americans who spoil other American reputation who wants to stay here. (Those who comes here and expect us to worship him because he comes from U.S.A.) And when we don't, he hates this country. One of his readers wrote very well to him. He/she said that if he/she would be him, he/she would move away from this country immediately.

They say that you live in the country, the country's way. Finland isn't in that forest (behind God's back) that we don't have airline. You can take any plane to U.S.A, if this country is so from ass.

If we Finns are so from the ass, why the f*k he's staying here? Why did he marry a Finn in the first place? Did he marry a woman who don't go with him? What kind of woman marry a man like him? He's a nag, complaining like a woman. Why he spread wrong kind image about Americans? I KNOW that every American don't feel the same way like he does.

If he wants to fly back to states, he can just go to the airport. If in that time, when he's there, there is no plane or room in any plane to states, he can take any plane to Europe. They fly in states from other Europe country's.

I hope that those Americans who lives here, could stand up for us. Our word isn't nothing compare to Americans opinion.

Oh baker's dream, if I marry American and I move with him to the states. It's my choice!! I wouldn't move there just complain everything that country stands for.
It's impolite to complain everything about the country you live in. The country where your spouse is from. That just shows bad judgement.

See for your self:
http://www.finlandforthought.net/

F.Y.I. The man I love isn't like the group B. He's beyond any league!

HIGH-HEAL'S AND SHOE'S

What is difference between high-heels and just shoe's?

Let me tell you. More like shoe you. You can see 2 pictures about two examples. (Both are mine.)

The black shoe is "high-heel". (Right picture) It's 10 cm high. It don't fit so well and you can't walk with that long time. So it's just a shoe. I know the pictures isn't that great.

The dark pink shoe is real high-heal. (Left picture) It's 11,5 cm high. And it fit so well. Like a nose to your face. It 's very comfortable. It fit's like sneaker. You can walk with it long, all day long if you like. My feel loves those high-heels.

No pain and neat looking =) Thanks to my training and my helper, I can use high-heels 8. - 12.8.07 When they have this "Urbaani Unelma" (Urban dream) in old ice stadium in Helsinki. (Helsingin jäähalli)
Not in Hjallis Harkimo's Arena.

HOSPITAL APPOINTMENT'S - THE JUDGEMENT DAY

I have appointment at the hospital - once more.

Tuesday 21.8. 11.40

The same day it will be 4 years 40 minutes when my treatment started, if I remember right. Anyway, my treatment started in August 2003.

It will be the "Judgement day". Then I know how the healing went.

I wish from all my heart that the man who is my rock, the man I love, could be there with me.

This is very crucial day. In that appointment my surgeon is going the tell me, what they are doing next.

My love, come with me.

To my love

Mar chraoibh tha mi gun rùsg
No mar loingeas gun stiùir

'Si do chomhairle ghlic
Nì mi ionndruinn a-nis;
Bha i luachmhor dhomh
tric is feumail

Chaoidh cha dealaich mo ghràdh
's mo spèis riut

This is from 1880 from Perthshire. You can find the poem; all of it; from Michael Newton's book called "A handbook of the Scottish Gaelic world. From page 95 - 96

Oh, you might want to know want that means. It means:

"I am like a tree without bark,
like a ship without a rudder.

It is your words of wisdom,
That I miss now.
They were valuable to me,
frequent and useful.

My love and affection for you will
Stay with me forever."

The actual poem is longer and these sentences I took from the actual poem.

Tattoo - I WANT ONE...

My sister has one very neat one. The man I love has quite cool tattoo's. F.Y.I. I haven't stare his tattoo's. (I don't stare him at all.) It's really hard to not to see them. But they are not so huge that you can see them cross the room nor is his ego.

Only thing what I check from the man is his hands, how wide is his shoulder's, his side's (wrong word, I know) and jugular fossa, that's between our collarbone's. I don't need to see other body part, thank you.

That isn't relevant. What is, is his personality. Every person who has been educated in my country, knows exactly what kind part's men has and what kind of part we have. Other things matter.

He is the Only one man has pass my test. He is beautiful/handsome inside and outside.
He is the only man who don't stare my chest/breasts or try to see under my T-shirt.
NO, he isn't a gay! He is intelligent man with manners.

I have seen couple quite neat tattoo's that I'd like to take. If I would take a tattoo, I think it wouldn't be the last one.

People who knows me, has seen and met me, they all know that I'm quite chicken in these matters.

Those hearts, first letter's of name's, "forever yours", "up yours ;)" etc are old stuff. Same thing is with date's. In some cases they are fine. Like when the man sweep my feet of or date's witch is linked to dating etc.

I would like to have something new. Maybe I'll take one then when I start to date. Hard to say.

SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG IN FINNISH SOCIETY

Every where people are talking about loosing weight.
WHO would talk about gaining weight? Anybody, somebody - nobody. how thin their really want to get? (for your notice, I'm slim, thin etc. I lived in NY and I didn't gain weight. So I should have great odds?)

Is that because society is ruled by men and men what's to have and see women who has thin waist, big breasts and small bottom. Doesn't the intellectuality mean anything anymore? Don't men want to be treated intellectual person's? Why they don't see us as equal? And why Finnish men try to corrupt other men who are from other western country's, western society's?

Is our society so corrupted that we don't see people as human beings?

Then there is other kind of people, they categorise people differently. If I'm married, I'm some body. I'm the person who can be taken seriously and I can be trusted. If I'm not I'm nothing. AND this person was a woman.

What is wrong in my country? Does marriage specify people? If we go little bit further the next step is that other's will specify other's by husband's title or his work.

Of course I get married but not the convenience reasons. I get married because I love that man.

I'm that kind of woman that I want to learn how to be with one man, who I marry, who I love. [I don't want to be with any other man. Just because it's great practice.]

It's his right to shape me as he likes in certain activity's. Don't see this in wrong way. It's nothing twisted and there is no catch.

I don't what tell the man I love that he wasn't the first. How he can trust me after that?

I might be crazy because I don't fall in love so easily. Once in a life time.

Don't hate me because of this but I have found very good way to avoid every kind of asking about my marital status: I tell to nosy people that I'm a widow. That will end every kind of question's.
That's because I'm quite young and I look even younger (about 10 years), they can't put me in any category. It's wrong to lie, I know. It will give me the space I need.

Because that is the space I'm going to keep when I'm married. Not towards my husband, it's towards everyone else. I don't want that my life (or our life) is the top issue in their coffee table conversation's.

I didn't plan that I fall in love with him

Some people might think that I plan to fell in love with him. Actually, I didn't. Before I even saw glimpse of him, I decided that I will never fell in love again.

Then this "thing" started. (Some might know what I'm ref to.) First I thought that I'll handle it. If I decide that I hate every person from the Atlantic, I'll survive from the "thing" with out any feelings.
Then I saw the first signs those feelings in me. I try ed, trust me, I really did, to get out of that "Thing". One person didn't let me quit. (Spoken test is SO hard to stupid Finns.)

Then I knew that won't work so I try ed even harder. I thought that if I provoke him enough, he'll get so angry at me that he'll throw me out from there. Ques, did it work? No-oo! Of course it didn't.

But I saw him very angry once. And that was quite scary, and then I start to afraid that I have succeed. Now he will throw me out. (I wanted that and then I was scared for that.)

How many feelings can you really feel in same time? I love him more that anyone in this earth but I'm scare his anger very much. I don't know but I think that he is very hard to provoke in the way that he'll get angry. But when he does, how long it will take that he'll be appeased? Year, 10 years, eternity? Or just few...something? Or better yet, what it will take to appease him?

I'm so sorry that I have been the pain in you behind. I truly love you.

New York New York.... MY ESCAPING

Sang Frank Sinatra.

Weird feeling came all the sudden. I was watching New York from the Google Earth and from the maps live.com

BUILDING WHAT IS MISSING- STILL IS

In those pictures wasn't that one radioactive building, which where there then. I don't have any pictures about that building because all those pictures where destroyed while I was in there. And I remembered right. It was yellow and it was very near to the Brooklyn bridge. I had to back to the ARC to find the picture. And in one book, it was in it. So, I'm not crazy. I remembered. That building was kind of land mark for me. I played with the girl in the play ground what was next to that old hospital. (Two hours and we got headache.)

Today they have pull down that building and they have already build up two apartment houses. To the same place where that hospital was.

I really miss New York (Witch is nice place to visit, awful place to live.) The island where I lived, the history of it isn't that beautiful that people believe. About 100 years ago it was full of two kind of people. Lunatics and prisoner's. (Did any one bother to tell me? Even those who found out which island I lived? NO, why would they?)

So I lived in lunatic prison island. (Roosevelt island) 14 years ago.

MY ESCAPE FROM THE FAMILY I WORK FOR

When I had to leave from there, that was like "American" movie. Because the family I was working for, first they wanted me to end my relationship to one man and then they sack me. (My first and only well mannered boyfriend was a American.He was about 6-7 years older but it really worked. Even today, he don't know why I had to ended it.) After that they didn't want to leave (by myself to the JFK) so, they said. But I couldn't go any where.

Well my "aunt" came to rescue me with her husband. I got one call from them that they are coming to get me after one hour. (Be ready or not) And I told that to that family. "My aunt is coming to get 11 P.M.

I got very good instruction's not to tell the family where I was going. Well 11 P.M. the guard from the basement called to us and told that there is two women, who came for me.

We got my things in 10 minutes and they literally threw my things in the van and we then we left to New Jersey in West Orange village. (lovely little village, if I may say so.)

After my escape. My mother got several phone calls from New York from this family. They always asked the same question: "Am I at home?" My mother answered the same way:"Who's asking?" And then they always hang up the phone. When my mother got enough, she told to this caller that if she calls again, she will report from her to the Finnish Embassy, to the Ministry for Foreign Affairs of Finland. Those phone calls stopped.

Now it's 14 years when I was last time in New York. Maybe I will go there, some day. Next summer ? I don't know. But when I do. First I go all those place's I used to go and then I go see the new place's where I haven't been.

NEW JEWELRY - information about them

Finally I have time to make more jewelry. And I have already name them. If you think that those name aren't good, you can tell me better names. I hope you do!

Jewelry's are:

Yellow flower. In two sizes: one is necklace and other is bracelet.

There is also frozen blue flower in necklace and bracelet.

And Sea necklace and bracelet.

Then there is green summer. Also in two sizes. (Necklace and bracelet.)

And "Ocean" blue necklace, bracelet and earrings.

Then there is raspberry necklace.

Acorn is the first time when I have put nature in my jewelry.

What you think?

NEW JEWELRY

The nun thing - I don't understand that. I love him too much to do something that sick!!

I can't understand how somebody wants live without husband and join in convent.
That is something want is beyond my reason.

Personally, I can't understand that kind of life. I want to learn so much from my (If I get married) husband regardless all the horror stories I have heard about S - E - X.

I want to share everything with him. Same thing is with big decision's. It's always better when (If that's possible) have a mans opinion in those. Men see thing differently, with their reason and their motions aren't in the way in big decision's.

I have to admit that that kind of life living without a husband and living a life inside the walls, it's definitely not for me. I see that man (in marriage the husband) is the one who is leading things. NOT the kitchen, it's my kingdom =) I rule there. It's fine by me if man wants to rule anywhere else.

Don't tell any one but in this matter I'm the narrow minded. The nun thing. I think it's some kind twisted that women lives behind the walls and one man rules them all. It's like the henhouse with the rooster.

I love the certain man too much. I couldn't abandon and violate the love I have to him. It's like I would be selfish and I wouldn't think about him at all. He deserve the best. Of course he decide what he wants because he knows best. No one else.

Honestly I rather get married and go through the first time and learn enjoy everything that I'm doing with my husband. And love that life when I can make his life even better, if that's possible. (And NO, I'm not going to complain the housework.) That convent life is from my point of view same thing that having a cancer and try to survive from that without medicine.

The convent life is from my point of view like trying to get away the life it self.

I want to learn everything about the S... and making the mans life even better. My place is some day beside my husband what ever comes. There my loyalties lie. With him! And I know that that life (being a wife) is for me because now I have found out that he really can rule me. Lucky me! Honestly, I am lucky. I love him so much. Even more if that's possible.

He don't know this but when I say that I love him. It makes me more shy than I'm usually. And of course I'm afraid that he will stab my heart and kill all the love I have for him. Some how I believe that he isn't going t o stab me. He isn't nothing like that. If I'm right he really is nice, sweet and very loving person, although he looks kind of scary sometimes. Don't we all?

United States of America- work for them, are they going to let me or not?

That is more like Hamlet question: "To be or not to be?"

I have applied from U.S. Embassy that I can work for them and work in Embassy.

Some of you might think that I have turn my back on all my values but it's nothing like that.

They don't have old data about me and they see me as a person not a student forever. And best of all, they have so great values. They don't tell me that I don't have right to be a person, teacher etc. because I study in my free time, after work. They really respect us.

It's same thing that I would call every person who are from U.S.A as a "American". Or calling a person "African- American", etc. It's same thing when he calls me a student! Labeling people in certain categories. And he told that He hates that kind of behavior!! What a bulls...! I hate lying!!!

I'll see soon do they let me work for them or not. I hope they do. It's chance what comes once in life time. Best of all, in that work I don't have to move in U.S.A, I can work from my home country.

And if I can work in there, it will the same time when I has to start to learn how to smile. American smile is very good example how to smile. I have had a chance to smile in 4 years, so it will take time to learn how to do that.

And I have great English spoken skills, no thanks to my "English teachers". One of them still believe that I was his student. I haven't told him that he wasn't my teacher. I try to many times get out of that stu... course. But NO! It was waste of time. 3 hour per week and I was so stupid that I let my friends talk me into that. They wanted me to stay in that course.

And I believe that the teacher assume that I'm so stupid that I can't take the spoken test without being in that course.

To me that course was just interpreter to the teacher. Because of that course, I had to use my Christmas vocation to my research and I had to write it in Christmas time.

But if U.S.A don't take me to work for them, then I have already other work place.

Believe or not but my boss in a nun.

Yes, my boss is A NUN. But I'm the teacher who leads all learning activities. I have 44 children's, I lead the preschool and the children's activity for 3 to 5 years old children.

All the pedagogical activity is in my responsibility.

And what is the best part: I have 10 weeks vocation in the summer, so I have paid vocation in the winter (so called winter vocation), I have paid vocation at the Christmas time and it's getting even better I can go to school, I can go to the hospital treatments ect. They don't mind and still I'm a person.

GREAT TIMING IS EVERYTHING

It was amazing in the gym today!

Because it opens just 14.45 in Tuesday (and Thursdays in summer) all women goes there just when it opens. Today I went there 3 p.m. and 90 % people in there were women. All those who wants to be in good or in great shape. Although there were few men who where there just looking women a...behinds but when I didn't "hear" and I didn't see anything" (I was reading harry Potter) I was left alone.

And when I get my facial thing done I can go back to the same self-defence "technique" I had before. I think that he don't help me anymore or he will never stand up for me again. So I need something to defend my self. I'm of my own now! It was so much normal and better to put my faith in him! He hates me, despise me if I'm honest.

In November it's going to be hard and very emotional, and then I really need some one to rely on. I have every Monday starting in 29.10 and ending in 3.12 appointment in the hospital. That's the very end of this treatment. Yes I know, he won't be there. But who can blame him? I can't! I hope...I wish...never mind.

The hospital is so different environment that it will bring up different emotions to all of us. I fear it first time that place that I honestly walked out of there and took my breath and went back. In these 4 years I have defeated my fear.

Can I defeat my fear to this man? (He hates and despite me at the moment) He is only man who can rule me. I know how that sounds but yes, he can rule. And that's what I desire and fear. He can rule in good why, the right way, in way that he's happy in his life. (If he's happy, so am I). But he can rule the bad way, in the way that can end me.

UNBELIEVABLE NEIGHBOURS!!! SICK PEOPLE!!!

This is SICK!!

I hope that you where here to see what happened when my brother came to visit me! Every third window where someone to see arrogantly inside my window!!

It was like THE event of the week!! Girl's brother from the opposite building is visiting her!!!

What is wrong with this people? Don't they have TV? Don't they have relatives?

One man was in his window and he was watching to my window all through my brothers visit. When my brother left, he stop watching. What h* is his problem?

He really need a hobby!! Like...anything! For example he could throw 1000 toothpicks at the kitchen floor and pick them up and start again!

New HArry Potter movie...WAU!!! and other movies!

I'm ultimate fan of J.K. Rowling's books of Harry Potter. So of course I have to go see every movie and buy them when they are in DVD.

Today I went to see the latest Harry Potter movie. It's was excellent, great, worth to see.

I have been so long a fan of Jason Isaacs. He is absolutely great actor. I have to admit, in this movie he wasn't that great what he used to be as in "Lucuis Malfoy". Jason Isaacs is so good actor. He can be the "nice person" and the "bad" person.

I don't care about the...what is that Katie Holmes husband...Tom Cruise or that man who was in "ER"...He's in Ocean 12 too...well I don't remember.

Any way, I like those actor who can act. Not those who are good looking or they are "in" at the time. Actually I have never been those girls who love or like someone or some actor because they are "in" or they have good looks. When I was young, I thought that if I want to blend in, I has to put some poster in my wall. So I did. But if you would see my home now, you can't say what I like or not.
For example the music: I like so many different kind of music that you can't tell what is my favorite. I have Celine Dion (helps me to sing and pronounce words right after every surgery) but I have also Gun n' Roses (it's in tape), I have Nightwish CD's (when Tarja Turunen was singing at the band) etc.

Or about movies: well, there you can say that I like Jason Isaacs and Scottish history. I have few (a lot) DVD's that I have buy because I like the story. (Merlin, Cry-Baby, Jurassic Park etc.) But And the one thing what we can't forget. (Forgetting that is a crime against humanity.)

I have read almost every book that I could find, see all movies about it and I know that history better than anyone that I know. It's about the crimes what the Nazi's did to Jewish nation. I am not a Nazi! I'm against that all the way. My uncle thought that "Arbeit macht frei" was a great joke. That was about 10 years ago. Last time I met him was 2 months ago, in my grand ma's funeral.

Comparing those "looks" to someone else, they haven't seen what is good looking. That's my opinion, everyone has right their own.

I don't see that Harry Potter would be witch craft! It's fairytale.

I have got in the that conversation. My last argument was and still is that those people who has born with lot of money, they are usually those who don't like any other person to success, especially when the person is from poor background. They really hope that the person from poor background would stay there.

Fairy tales don't divide between in good, nice fairy tale and witch craft.

It's same thing with books. I have LOT of different books, different writers. Cornwell, Gerritsen, Hayden etc., cooking books (one is a pearl. It's cooking book from the chef who lived in Ludvig XV's time. He was the king's chef. Books is written in 1767 in France. Book isn't the original book, it's translated. The useful counts or the story. Not the cover!!

Same thing is the man That I fall in love. Cover is great but that don't matter. What's matter is what is inside of him. (Normal organ's, perhaps) No seriously, what he's like, how he behave, how he see people, how he act with people, how he treat different people etc. That counts!! A lot!!

FALL IN LOVE- man’s expectation’s are… AND BROKEN HEART'S

FALL IN LOVE

I have always think what man really wants when and if he finds out that I fall in love with him.

Should I behave like that woman in Scarlet? Lean to him all my weight from the beginning, be helpless all the time with doors, with jars, with everything. That's called acting in this part of the world. It's dishonest.

Maybe that's normal in somewhere or to someone but it's not me. Why should I behave like brainless chicken? Men expect us, women, treat them like intellectual beings, why they can't treat us the same? Don't they get distressing and anxious if a woman behave like that towards them? It's like man should have his own life and his own hobby's and he should be there 24-7 for a woman's needs. That's SICK! No any offence.

But if I don't behave like that, man usually get his own conclusions and normally it's the wrong one. (Those kind of men are those who don't know what is like to be hurt in love. They don't understand.)

When I feel safe enough with the man, I can behave like that but not too much. Not the way that it isn't me. There is time and place to that. And it don't undermine mans masculinity and his leadership.

BROKEN HEART'S understand each other

Only people who has been hurt in love can truly understand each other. I have proven this. Men who don't know what is like to brake you heart in love, they never (trust me NEVER) understand how to treat broken heart. They never understood.

But man who has broke his heart in love can understand. Because he don't do those things what he went trough to other person. He avoid those things just because he knows what it's feels like, when you are treated wrong. And he knows that the woman never do that because she broke her heart.

I have broke my heart so many times that I know that next time can be the last time. Next strike can be the last one. That strike, emotionally, will kill me in emotionally. You can't see that. I can walk, talk, laugh, be friendly but inside my I'm dying. Not any kind of disease. That many times I have hurt in love.

Now I'm very very careful. So careful that the man believes that I played with his feelings. I didn't, honey, I'm just afraid that you hurt me. I can't fix the past. But I can make better future.

Nosy neighbors, irritating people and prenuptial agreement. Good reading material!!

NOSY NEIGHBORS

You know those people who are so nosy that they do anything to find out everything about their neighbors?

Well I have those. Isn't it nice? Most of them lives opposite of my apartment building.

When I'm washing the windows, they are at their own window to watch am I going to jump! When I'm making dinner, lunch, making coffee etc. They are at their window or/and a balcony trying to see how I make it and do I wash my dishes or not etc.

Their TV must be in pieces or they don't have newspapers, computer, DVD-player or Video- player.

I believe that next step to them is that they start to take notes. They try to see what I add to my food and take notes about the ingredients.

It's also possible that they haven't seen a person who can cook. They has to be those who buy TV-dinners from the store. They eat only convenience foods. That's not good food. Good food is that you know what's in it.

IRRITATING PEOPLE

That reminds me about one person who told us (me and my friends, then we were students. Now we are not students anymore.) that he knows what is good meat and what is not. That was the only time when I got so mad that he hasn't talk about "good meat" anymore. Not even when he was doing his practical training in the preschool where I was a teacher.

He hasn't even work in the store. If the product has a label Stockmann, he'll buy it. So in that case you can sell him anything and he'll buy it. Stupid little boy! He didn't knew that I have worked in the grocery store 2 years. I KNOW what is good meat and what isn't. Thanks to couple expert who's expertise is meat. After that he didn't tell me what is good and what id bad food.

It's funny that a boy tells me what is good food and good meat. He hasn't cook food that long. I was 10 years old when I cooked first time. So now I have cooked over 22 years. He was quite annoying. And when he realized that he couldn't make me look silly, he tried to destroy my reputation at my workplace (preschool)

Well that went south so he find new person to pick on. And this person couldn't defend him self because first he didn't know that. It was too bad for that boy that my loyalties lye's elsewhere.

Although that was stupid because when they (my colleague and this boy) realized that I'm not loyal to them and their bull*...bad talks, they turn against me. In the long run, I had to resign from my work because that turn to work place bullying.

Well, don't worry. I cope.

PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT

The difference of me and my colleague is that that I really know people. The people that she believes to know. She told me over and over again that she knows this and this person, this and this actor, actress etc. We call people like her "nousukas". To that word don't have a work in English language. It a person who lives with her husband money without doing anything. (her husband does the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.) That kind of person hasn't money of her self and if she wouldn't marry that man, she can't keep her lifestyle.

It's odd that most of people in my country hasn't heard prenuptial agreement! I won't one! That's for sure! And people who move here from other country's, they forget that that kind of paper really exist. It does, even in here middle of nowhere!

How hard that can be? Business is business and marriage is marriage! I know this, I'm a daughter of a business man. Don't never mix these. If you love him/her, you'll sign. You don't, then you don't. Easy, isn't it?
Prenuptial agreement is just time way keep your property/money/assets safe. Even BEFORE marriage, during the time and some cases after marriage. When this "little" is signed, then you can focus that marriage part.

Easy? Yes. Can't be easier.

Log house, WHAT WAS I THINKING - I wasn't

Few years ago I wanted to build a log house. What was I thinking??? Now I have had time to think about that and Oh my Lord, I has to have some kind of mental malfunction.

It's like living in barn! Then you look around and all the time you think that what is missing? Finally you get it. The animals and the hay!

Taking care of the log house is difficult. If you paint it with wrong kind of paint, it will decompose around you. And soon you don't have a home! Who wants that?? I don't!

The surroundings don't make the home, home is where you feel.

Do I what live in barn? No I don't. Luckily the mental malfunction was temporary and now I know that I don't want that.

Volume 2: What HE should be like?

Now this get hard or difficult. The "frames" isn't everything. He has have something between his ears!

In most cases men are strong and rugged looking but they don't have anything between the ears. They know everything about mirrors, bodybuilding and football and fighting with fists. They don't know about how to be nice, safe, good mannered and they are not definitely wise, intelligent etc.

Other group are opposite of those. They are intelligent but they so slim, weak and 100% cases they are nerds, geeks; men who see a glimpse of woman in bra, they do this: "Bra...hih hih..." Like young girls, who can't believe that some day, they will wear those proudly. Usually those man, i call them boys, live in with their mother until they are 30 plus something, and if they do some housework, it's a miracle.

That's why it's always better when man is strong, rugged and stupid than slim and wise.

But girls, let me tell you this. In some very very rare cases there are man who are very strong (it's great quality in man and I don't mean just physically), rugged and extremely intelligent. That kind of man really is worthy of the nicest treatment. And never offend him because he will get so angry at you that you can't find right means to make him happy again. Those kind of man can be angry very very long.

And his anger is something that you should fear so much that you have to flee for it, run away from his anger. His anger is something that it's healthy to avoid. His anger is scary.

Even when you love him more than anyone ever.