It was amazing in the gym today!
Because it opens just 14.45 in Tuesday (and Thursdays in summer) all women goes there just when it opens. Today I went there 3 p.m. and 90 % people in there were women. All those who wants to be in good or in great shape. Although there were few men who where there just looking women a...behinds but when I didn't "hear" and I didn't see anything" (I was reading harry Potter) I was left alone.
And when I get my facial thing done I can go back to the same self-defence "technique" I had before. I think that he don't help me anymore or he will never stand up for me again. So I need something to defend my self. I'm of my own now! It was so much normal and better to put my faith in him! He hates me, despise me if I'm honest.
In November it's going to be hard and very emotional, and then I really need some one to rely on. I have every Monday starting in 29.10 and ending in 3.12 appointment in the hospital. That's the very end of this treatment. Yes I know, he won't be there. But who can blame him? I can't! I hope...I wish...never mind.
The hospital is so different environment that it will bring up different emotions to all of us. I fear it first time that place that I honestly walked out of there and took my breath and went back. In these 4 years I have defeated my fear.
Can I defeat my fear to this man? (He hates and despite me at the moment) He is only man who can rule me. I know how that sounds but yes, he can rule. And that's what I desire and fear. He can rule in good why, the right way, in way that he's happy in his life. (If he's happy, so am I). But he can rule the bad way, in the way that can end me.
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