I didn't plan that I fall in love with him

Some people might think that I plan to fell in love with him. Actually, I didn't. Before I even saw glimpse of him, I decided that I will never fell in love again.

Then this "thing" started. (Some might know what I'm ref to.) First I thought that I'll handle it. If I decide that I hate every person from the Atlantic, I'll survive from the "thing" with out any feelings.
Then I saw the first signs those feelings in me. I try ed, trust me, I really did, to get out of that "Thing". One person didn't let me quit. (Spoken test is SO hard to stupid Finns.)

Then I knew that won't work so I try ed even harder. I thought that if I provoke him enough, he'll get so angry at me that he'll throw me out from there. Ques, did it work? No-oo! Of course it didn't.

But I saw him very angry once. And that was quite scary, and then I start to afraid that I have succeed. Now he will throw me out. (I wanted that and then I was scared for that.)

How many feelings can you really feel in same time? I love him more that anyone in this earth but I'm scare his anger very much. I don't know but I think that he is very hard to provoke in the way that he'll get angry. But when he does, how long it will take that he'll be appeased? Year, 10 years, eternity? Or just few...something? Or better yet, what it will take to appease him?

I'm so sorry that I have been the pain in you behind. I truly love you.