HOSPITAL APPOINTMENT'S - THE JUDGEMENT DAY

I have appointment at the hospital - once more.

Tuesday 21.8. 11.40

The same day it will be 4 years 40 minutes when my treatment started, if I remember right. Anyway, my treatment started in August 2003.

It will be the "Judgement day". Then I know how the healing went.

I wish from all my heart that the man who is my rock, the man I love, could be there with me.

This is very crucial day. In that appointment my surgeon is going the tell me, what they are doing next.

My love, come with me.

To my love

Mar chraoibh tha mi gun rùsg
No mar loingeas gun stiùir

'Si do chomhairle ghlic
Nì mi ionndruinn a-nis;
Bha i luachmhor dhomh
tric is feumail

Chaoidh cha dealaich mo ghràdh
's mo spèis riut

This is from 1880 from Perthshire. You can find the poem; all of it; from Michael Newton's book called "A handbook of the Scottish Gaelic world. From page 95 - 96

Oh, you might want to know want that means. It means:

"I am like a tree without bark,
like a ship without a rudder.

It is your words of wisdom,
That I miss now.
They were valuable to me,
frequent and useful.

My love and affection for you will
Stay with me forever."

The actual poem is longer and these sentences I took from the actual poem.

Tattoo - I WANT ONE...

My sister has one very neat one. The man I love has quite cool tattoo's. F.Y.I. I haven't stare his tattoo's. (I don't stare him at all.) It's really hard to not to see them. But they are not so huge that you can see them cross the room nor is his ego.

Only thing what I check from the man is his hands, how wide is his shoulder's, his side's (wrong word, I know) and jugular fossa, that's between our collarbone's. I don't need to see other body part, thank you.

That isn't relevant. What is, is his personality. Every person who has been educated in my country, knows exactly what kind part's men has and what kind of part we have. Other things matter.

He is the Only one man has pass my test. He is beautiful/handsome inside and outside.
He is the only man who don't stare my chest/breasts or try to see under my T-shirt.
NO, he isn't a gay! He is intelligent man with manners.

I have seen couple quite neat tattoo's that I'd like to take. If I would take a tattoo, I think it wouldn't be the last one.

People who knows me, has seen and met me, they all know that I'm quite chicken in these matters.

Those hearts, first letter's of name's, "forever yours", "up yours ;)" etc are old stuff. Same thing is with date's. In some cases they are fine. Like when the man sweep my feet of or date's witch is linked to dating etc.

I would like to have something new. Maybe I'll take one then when I start to date. Hard to say.

SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG IN FINNISH SOCIETY

Every where people are talking about loosing weight.
WHO would talk about gaining weight? Anybody, somebody - nobody. how thin their really want to get? (for your notice, I'm slim, thin etc. I lived in NY and I didn't gain weight. So I should have great odds?)

Is that because society is ruled by men and men what's to have and see women who has thin waist, big breasts and small bottom. Doesn't the intellectuality mean anything anymore? Don't men want to be treated intellectual person's? Why they don't see us as equal? And why Finnish men try to corrupt other men who are from other western country's, western society's?

Is our society so corrupted that we don't see people as human beings?

Then there is other kind of people, they categorise people differently. If I'm married, I'm some body. I'm the person who can be taken seriously and I can be trusted. If I'm not I'm nothing. AND this person was a woman.

What is wrong in my country? Does marriage specify people? If we go little bit further the next step is that other's will specify other's by husband's title or his work.

Of course I get married but not the convenience reasons. I get married because I love that man.

I'm that kind of woman that I want to learn how to be with one man, who I marry, who I love. [I don't want to be with any other man. Just because it's great practice.]

It's his right to shape me as he likes in certain activity's. Don't see this in wrong way. It's nothing twisted and there is no catch.

I don't what tell the man I love that he wasn't the first. How he can trust me after that?

I might be crazy because I don't fall in love so easily. Once in a life time.

Don't hate me because of this but I have found very good way to avoid every kind of asking about my marital status: I tell to nosy people that I'm a widow. That will end every kind of question's.
That's because I'm quite young and I look even younger (about 10 years), they can't put me in any category. It's wrong to lie, I know. It will give me the space I need.

Because that is the space I'm going to keep when I'm married. Not towards my husband, it's towards everyone else. I don't want that my life (or our life) is the top issue in their coffee table conversation's.